Sunday 9 March 2008

Why don't the Germans speak proper English?

Dear Guru,
I live here in Germany and can't help but wonder why it is that the Germans have a different word for practically everything over here. A different English word, I mean. They say "Handy" when they mean cell phone and "Talkshow" when they mean talk show, for instance. I've been told that you have lots of different words in your country, too (I'm an American), but I can understand you guys a whole lot better, usually. So like what is it with these Germans and their German English anyway?
Thanks, Clarsonimus.

Thank you for letting me know that you are American. As I want you to understand my reply I will type very slowly. It took me a while to find this answer, the infinite was not an expert on Languages and Luke is strictly a English snake. But thankfully, being all knowing, I merely needed to re-awaken my knowledge which I eventually achieved by searching Wikipedia and about.com. I hope you will consider all this effort when you pass the prayer bowl on the way out.

I do try not to pass blame; all in this world are equal, or at least all those who have not transcended to Guru Status. In this instance however, I cannot help it: This mixing of the 2 languages is your fault.

Proud 73 year old with dance shoes goes step by step, training others every day! Or something.The merge happened after World War II largely due to English speakers, like yourself, migrating to Germany and hogging all the sun-beds, forcing the Germans to migrate elsewhere and hog the sun-beds there. As a result, and as English became the global business language, the two languages pooled, and, overtime, words like Workshop and Meeting crept into the German vocabulary. Germany welcomed the change. After the mess they'd made during World War II they pretty much had too.

It had the added benefit that the language became slightly camp, making Germans seem less threatening. For example, the word Handy, unique in Denglish, comes from a 1940 Motorola Walkie-talkie model, the Handie-talkie, and is possibly the least threatening word a German can use. The sight of a middle-age German man, frantically searching for his mobile phone and muttering ‘Wo ist mein Handy?', is enough to make a heterosexual male pluck his eyebrows and wear lycra for a month.

However, none of this explains why you can understand us English better than them Germans. This is because both the Americans and the English speak English, which is extremely helpful when it comes to communication. The Germans however, speak German.

Hope this helps

Marcus

9 Comments:

Anonymous said...

I was always told it was hard to understand the Germans because they were inscrutable. Or was that the Japanese? But then who was unfathomable? Was that us?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I think more German words need to be incorporated into English. "Bumsen", for example, is a cross between "Bunsen Burner" and "Bumming". And its actual meaning is not that far from either.

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

"The sight of a middle-age German man, frantically searching for his mobile phone and muttering ‘Wo ist mein Handy?', is enough to make a heterosexual male pluck his eyebrows and wear lycra for a month."

This would explain why cycling is so popular in the Rhineland.

Unknown said...

It's a cell phone, not a mobile.

Mobil is a gas station....

Sincerely,
An American

jams o donnell said...

Ah Freelance Guru, I now have the expression "Wo ist mein handy" racing through my head in ever camper spirals!

Anonymous said...

Sam - I believe unfathomable refers to the sea...

Mr Bananas - Bumsen? Oh yes of course, directly tranlated it means one whose arse is hot.

Daphne - Yes, you would think they'd have nicer eyebrows however.

Angelika - Well of course you would know. We're only the country that invented your language.

Jams - What an odd place to keep your phone.

Preeti Shenoy said...

Modern Guru of wikipedia and about.com i bow to thee!!

Anonymous said...

Some other words the Germans stole from English are :-

Weltanschauung

Kindergarten

Glad to see they are you favourites too ;-)

Anonymous said...

Stu - Both words used exclusvly by Americans I think! At least I've never felt the need to use the word Weltanschauung