Why don’t we Box on Boxing day?

Ah boxing day! The Christmas frenzy is over and people are finally ready to reflect on how much money they’ve spent this Christmas, how annoying certain members of their family are and how long they’ve ignored their blog for. I for one had my mother round this Christmas. I hoped it would be rather pleasant. Unfortunately, I forgot that when my mother and The Wife combine they use me for target practice. Metaphorical target practice of course, they simply complain about me when I’m just within earshot, but their training up My Little Girl and she is somewhat more literal. I told my wife not to get her that dartboard with my face on it. Accidents will happen I said. And as usual, I was right. Fortunately my left eye has always been the weak one anyway.

Many people, it seems, are confused by boxing day. It has, I can say from experience, nothing to do with boxing. Regrettably I only found this out after an unfortunate attempt to hold a boxing match with Luke, my pet snake, on the top of my pole one year. I have never quite worked out how he won, what with the lack of hands and everything, but my wife assures me it was a fair fight and the frying pan in her hand was just because she was cooking breakfast. It was 8 in the evening at the time, but apparently she was practising for the next day.

Boxing day instead, got its name for two reasons. Firstly, it is the day when people give to the poor, filling the charity boxes with their change. (Talking of which, don’t forget my change bowl on your way out!) Secondly it is the day when merchants would be given their Christmas box – the gifts they received in return for good service throughout the year.

Now adays of course it a day mostly given to reflection, digestion, and watching repeats on TV that weren’t good the first time round. If this sounds like a bore to you you can always spend your time thinking up some questions for me instead. It can’t be a worse way to spend your time than eating your wife's Turkey Sandwiches.

A very happy Christmas to you. And remember: A Guru is for life. Not just for Christmas.

That Richard Dawkins Fellow...

That Richard Dawkins fellow... If I had idols, he would be among them.

I wrote to him once - gave him some pointers on 'meme theory'. I gently pointed out that a 'meme', rather than being a cultural idea which evolves and passes down generations, was an annoying blog post that spread through the blogosphere like Swine Flu. He never replied - guess he felt threatened by my superiority.

But the man is almost, but not quite, as brilliantly clever as I am. I pull it off more elegantly of course, but he tries. Being almost, but not quite, completely enlightened must take it out of you. That probably explains why he seems so irritable all the time.

It's nice to see the other side of him every now and then though, as in this interview between Richard Dawkins and the Times.

Give it a read. If for no other reason it will at least stop you from asking me something stupid like, 'Is the world only 6,000 years old?' I mean, come on, use yor brains people. If the world was only 6,000 years old there'd still be dragons flying around...

Drive-by muttering

Was walking home today when a car pulled up next to me. The driver, my neighbour, stuck his head out the window, shouted something at me, raised his middle finger and sped away.

I have absolutly no idea what he said. I find that more annoying than the action itself. You'd think if someone was going to go through all the effort of a drive-by insult, they'd at least learn to articulate.

It's Hot, whatever the weather

I never really understood the point of websites that tell you the weather. From the top of my pole it's incredibly simple to know the current condtions, and it doesn't really make much difference anyway. If it's raining, I get wet. If it's sunny, I sweat a lot and get wet. If it's summer the birds use me as a litter box and I get wet. Either way all I need to do is look up (carefully shielding my eyes against falling fecal matter) and I can tell what the weather is like straight away.

But that was before I found this site. Now I think I'll be checking the weather online a whole lot more often.

Marcus

The sun always shines at Humor Blogs

Don't forget to Ask me your Questions

Harry Potter and the half arsed movie

Took My Girl to see the new Potter Movie.
With that kind of magical power you'd think Harry could get someone better looking than Ginny. I mean a ginger girl. Really?

Unfortunately, the only kind of womenfolk all-knowing-genius seems to impress is chicks like my wife.

Knowledge and Magic then it seems have much in common, at least when it comes to attracting the wrong kind of woman. Except knowledge rarely gets you a cool scar.

Handheld Guru

It is not unknown for great spiritual leaders to disappear from time to time. Jesus himself disappeared for 3 days. He claimed it was because he died. Really it was just an elaborate stunt to get some time alone.
You've noticed no doubt that I went missing for a while. I'm. sure there's been much weaping and gnashing of teeth. I'd like to say it was a ploy to make you solve your own problems but I've never been much of a liar. One of the rare things Jesus does better than me. Or did rather. He has a whole army of people who lie for him now.
Rest assured I've not been avoiding you. Not much at least. I've taken the time off to try to write a book of great import: my memoirs. The world needs to know my life story - my rags to riches story - my amazing journey from a failing insurance salesman to a know-it-all, genius, world changing guru.
It's not been going well. The wife sees my time off the pole as 'family time' which means I get to do D.I.Y while she watches tv. "You can build a 15 foot pole in the garden but you can't fix that leaking shower."
The memoirs have had to go on hold. Instead I will be updating the blog on my Google phone whilst doing other unimportant things like things like walking the dog or playing with My Girl.
Your answer has returned. Start asking your questions.