I am in the most desperate of situations and wish to seek your wisdom. My dentist has just told me that he needs to extract my wisdom teeth. Can I have yours please?
TomtheTwit
I've never been asked to give anybody a body part before. Well, except for that, and even then not very often. My wife is more the giving type, giveing love, hugs and occasional tips on how to improve myself. I've certainly never been asked to give a bone fragment. Either way, my purpose is to share wisdom, not Teeth, and as such I must decline.
Wisdom teeth are so called because they come in later in life, presumably when the grower is wiser. This was certainly true in my case, I didn’t become wise until I started listening to Luke, my toy snake. It’s amazing how much a man grows up when he stops playing around with his snake and takes it seriously instead.
Personally, I’ve never had any teeth out, wisdom or otherwise. The wife drags us to the dentist every six months, stating it’s for the Girl’s sake; she’s worse than a politician with that - anytime she wants something she'll make believe we’re doing it ‘for the children.’
The dentist always praises my teeth. Obviously the hours I spend panic brushing beforehand do their job. The Wife however always has something wrong, her teeth are so full of fillings now that the local thieves keep trying to steal them for scrap metal, and last time we went to the dentist she had to have 4 extractions. I took a whole day off from meditation just to carry her home and watch her bleed all over the couch.
I did get some fun out of it though. With her mouth too sore to eat she needed liquid food supplements instead. I’ll never quite forget the look she gave me when I mentioned quite loudly in the queue at Boots that she’d ‘forgotten to buy her Slimfast.’
Of course there are some benefits to having your wisdom teeth removed. For example, identify you from your dental records should you be killed in a plane crash. And according to rumour it makes you better at performing the act of Fellatio. Personally, I haven’t had a chance to test this, the wife spends most of her time around the neighbour’s house nowadays, but it might please you to know there are benefits to the painful extraction you are about to face, especially if you’re relatively flexible.
Hope this helps.
11 Comments:
Perhaps you should have put him in touch with a crocodile, which sprouts new teeth throughout its life. I think you should buy your wife an electric toothbrush, on the understanding that she will not use it as a sexual surrogate.
Mr Bananas - What an interesting idea. My wife having sexual pleasure...
lol...poor chap!...ur wife reads ur blog??....hope not!:D
Tom, oh Tom - you truly are a twit. I understand the idea but if you thought about it for more than 10 seconds ... I mean, asking an Englishman for his teeth?! These are a people who think that 'flouride' is another term for shagging on the linoleum.
You are quite right to refuse to donate Guru. For is it not written - who asks for your wisdom teeth today, will want your tennis elbow tomorrow.
I'll get my coat....
Note: NEVER bite your dentist when he works inside your head. Your dentist is your teeth's best friend - bite someone else instead!
I only ever had one wisdom tooth come in. Does this mean I'm a moron?
I'm starting to worry - did Tom come and take those teeth by force and leave you dead or permanently injured?
ps. Dale: I'm afraid so.
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Don't talk to me about teeth, I've had some gruesome experiences recently with aliens growing inside my head trying to make off with my pointy ends. The surgeon had to get in there with a chainsaw, it was all very unpleasant and I've still got no sensation in the upper right gum area.
Anyway, you remember that book I mentioned, "Antwerp" by Nicholas Royle, which you said you'd like to read? The author has been in touch with me (hey never mind your awards, real writers read my blog!) and you can buy a copy of Antwerp and the prequel "The Directors Cut" from him direct if you e-mail him at nicholasroyle at mac dot com.
Hm, Googlebating is obviously not restricted to paranoid Middle Eastern dictators. I'll try reviewing the latest Stephen King and see what happens.
ha ha this is hillarious. hey btw you want my tooth? lol
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