Showing posts with label UFO. Show all posts
Showing posts with label UFO. Show all posts

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

E.T. Phones Home: Farmer annoyed in Morning

It astounds me that the Human Race, not content with having ruined its own planet, deeply wants to believe that there is another species out there ruining its own.

In fact we believe it so badly that often we are willing to take the feeblest things as proof, many of which I'm sure you'll tell me about in the comments.

Beautiful Crop CircleTake Crop Circles. Here we have a complex form of UFO communication which is completely incomprehensible to humans, making the whole thing something of a worthless venture. You would think that any race clever enough to fly the interstellar distances to Earth and create complex patterns in the fields of Cornwall would also be clever enough to have learnt English. Or at least French. But instead they communicate in complex, geometric, apparently meaningless patterns, which just happen to look very much like they were created with a piece of wood and a bit of string, and mostly serve the purpose of Irritating Farmers.

Xenu Gave me an Anal ProbeFurthermore, logic dictates that any race advanced enough to travel to earth would either be completely adept at hiding themselves or would have made bloody sure that we knew they existed by now. Instead all they do is create a few lights in the sky which look remarkably like Airplanes, make a few cows die unexpectedly, or fulfill the anally obsessed sexual fantasies of insane people. What is it with Aliens and Anal Probes anyway? How much can you actually learn by the use of entroscopy?

But of course, as any true believer knows, Aliens have given us proof of their existence multiple times. But the world Governments keep covering it up. The Government, the same people who managed to leave a top secret terrorist document on the train, and leaked Private information about it's Veterans, have somehow managed to effect a worldwide cover up, silencing thousands of witness, hiding evidence in the top-secret, yet strangely well known, Area 51, and convincing the Aliens to keep hush-hush from now on. There are some reasons to believe this, it nicely explains the US Deficit for example, however, it is also believed that George Bush is secretly a member of Mensa and simply plays dumb to appeal to the American Voter. I leave my Pilgrims to decide for themselves, although I realise that may result in most of you making the wrong decision.

The few aliens that are out there are probably not in the habit of taking day trips to our humble planet just to probe some hicks, scare a few cows, ruin some fields and speed off before anyone can get a decent photograph. There are already people on these planets that do all these things, they're called tourists. And for now at least, they're more than enough for the world to cope with, without needing to invent space tourists as well.

What kind of evidence would you need to make you believe in Aliens? Comment and let me know!
Marcus
Read part 1 of this article on Extra Terrestrial Beings
All Crop Circles lead to Humor Blogs

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

The Truth is Out There - Do Aliens Exist?

"Do you believe in Aliens?"

It's a question I get asked a lot. (Well, not that question. No one cares enough about me to be fussed what I ‘believe’ in; they're only after my knowledge. It's a shallow friendship, but I'll take anything I can get. What they actually ask is, "Is there something out there?" or "Are we alone in the Universe?" but those questions just don't open a post so dramatically.)

An appallingly large number of my pilgrims ask me this question and my answer is always the same.

With a gentle smile and a shrug I reply, "The universe is as infinite as my Knowledge. The odds of the Earth being the only planet which supports life are so small that someone with a brain such as yours could not hope to understand them."

At which point, they normally reply, "Yeah, but are there Aliens?"

For some reason trekking halfway around the world to get the answer 'maybe' just isn't good enough for them.
And so, to end this Tom-foolishness, I will give the answer. For the first time I will answer this question definitively, here and now. I only hope your infantile brains are ready for it.
Aliens exist. Somewhere, in the universe there is at least one other inhabited planet. Fact.

But it is highly likely that any Aliens that do exist have not evolved to be anything beyond the level of worms or birds. In fact, if Aliens co-habit this planet with us at all then there are almost certainly in bird form; the birds always gather around my pole, and Aliens are often said to seek 'the leader.'

However, there are no aliens speeding around our planet in their hyped up Ford Star-cruisers, revealing themselves to lonely Kansas Farmers, or purposefully leaving behind evidence of their existence. There is evidence of course, which I'll discuss in a later post, but frankly, if this is the best Aliens can do then they certainly aren't intelligent.

Either way, this is certain. There is intelligent life out there, or at least, there will be one day, and I for one welcome it. For one thing they'd be more people to share my wisdom with. And, when you're in the Guru business, you are always in need of less intelligent forms of life.

Do you believe in Aliens? Why? Add your comments and let me know.

Marcus
There is more things at Humor Blogs than are dreamt of in your philosophy, dear pilgrim