As 2012 approaches, rumours are emerging of it's disastrous consequences. Frankly, I'm getting bored of panicked pilgrims, so here, in no particular order, are the actual 9 major tragedies of 2012.
Oh, and don't forget to leave some change in the bowl on the way out...
- We will all have to live through another Presidential Election.
Asteroid 334-Eros will pass within 17 million miles of Earth, If it earth were the corner pocket this is the equivalent of bouncing off the cushion and hitting the cat. Nonetheless, astronomers will get very excited and run to their observatories, leaving their families to fend for themselves. - US troops will hand back control of the Korean Military. Congress will declare a war to keep the troops busy.
- The Freedom Tower will be completed in New York causing the terror threat to be raised just in-case some terrorist somewhere tries something with it at sometime.
There will be an annular Solar Eclipse - for 3 whole minutes hundreds of people will be unable to see where they left their keys. - The UK will turn off analogue broadcasting; millions of pensioners will miss Countdown. Mass rioting will ensue, albeit it very slowly.
- The Sun’s magnetic poles will flip; it's inhabitants will get briefly lost when their compasses start pointing backwards.
- The Mayan calendar will roll over from 12.19.19.17.19 to 13.0.0.0.0. The Mayans will have to buy a new calendar. They will also have one hell of a New Year celebration. There is no evidence to suggest the Mayans believed the world would end when their calendar did, although possibly they were worried that their computer clocks would reset to 0.0.0.0.1.
- The Earth's population will excel 7 billion people, making it impossible to find a free parking space
Oh, and don't forget to leave some change in the bowl on the way out...
