9 Lessons the Yanks have taught me.

I thoroughly enjoyed my time is America. There was so much about it to enjoy.

Something about seeing my wife on the white knuckle rides, laughing, screaming, begging for it to stop... I don't know, but it reminded me of our early days together. Good times. And spending all that time with my family, after so many months spent up my pole... Well, it just warmed my heart. First time I've had heartburn in years

But now, after blessing the Yanks with my presence, I have returned to you. You must have missed me terribly. There there. Daddy's home.

The best thing about the holiday for me is that every new country I visit has more things to teach me you so long as one is humble enough to admit they have the intelligence to learn it. And so, for those of you who may not be as well travelled as I am, having gone to 2 countries other than my own in my life time, I present my observations of America.

1. In America, Bumper stickers are really, really important.
   
   
2. American's really, truly want you to have a nice day!
   
   
3. Americans really are better looking that the English are. Having done a highly scientific survey on American and English Women, carefully studying them and rating their appearance on a variety of factors, including looks, measurements, and ‘Would I Do Her?’, I have determined that American women are at least 3 points more doable than English ones. My wife assures me the same was true for her; every single American she saw was, apparently, far more attractive than me.
   
   
4. Techniques from the It’s a small world ride have been used to elicit confessions in Guantanamo bay.
   
   
5. KFC should just not be served with Mashed Potato
   
   
6. At $4 a Gallon your gas is one of the cheapest on the Planet. In the UK, petrol is at least £1,12 a litre. At 3.8 litres a Gallon that's £4.26 a Gallon. At the current conversion of 1.998 dollars to the Pound that's $8.51 a gallon. Quit whining so much!
   
   
7. Mexicans and Brazilians only travel in large groups and wear the same, brightly, coloured T-shirts.
   
   
8. Due to the short proportions of Disney Characters, the characters in Disney Parks are normally played by women as they are the short enough to fit in the suits. This means that when Mickey and Minnie hold hands or hug it’s actually kinda hot.
   
   
9. And finally, Country and Western music is truly, truly awful.

Marcus

It is said that one can recover from the horror of Country and Western at Humor Blogs.com

In this times of troubles and Doubts, Only the Guru has the Answer

Recent Posts
• Why the Guru is Great and Wikipedia is Wicked?
  
• What can I take on Airplanes?
  
• Why is white the colour of death to the Chinese?
  

The Origins of Dawg

Dear Guru

What's the origins of the American male usage of "dawg".

Wassup dawg, you're my dawg, yeah, dawg...

Ally

I thought that this was obvious.

The word was invented by Randy of American Idol fame as a way of making the millions of viewers, all of whom have IQs that can be measured on the rictor scale, think he was cool.

Legend has it that he thought of the idea when listening to a dog howl outside his mansion in the night. The misguided judge was so impressed by the off-key intonation that he gave the dawg it's own moniker.

To this day the word dawg is used to refer to someone who is cool, sings off key, and hasn't had a bath in a month.

Marcus

Ask me your Questions

• Can I make it big in Journalism?
  
• Why do birds poop on my car?
  
• Can I keep it real after winning the Lottery?