I thoroughly enjoyed my time is America. There was so much about it to enjoy.
Something about seeing my wife on the white knuckle rides, laughing, screaming, begging for it to stop... I don't know, but it reminded me of our early days together. Good times. And spending all that time with my family, after so many months spent up my pole... Well, it just warmed my heart. First time I've had heartburn in years
But now, after blessing the Yanks with my presence, I have returned to you. You must have missed me terribly. There there. Daddy's home.
The best thing about the holiday for me is that every new country I visit has more things to teach me you so long as one is humble enough to admit they have the intelligence to learn it. And so, for those of you who may not be as well travelled as I am, having gone to 2 countries other than my own in my life time, I present my observations of America.
Something about seeing my wife on the white knuckle rides, laughing, screaming, begging for it to stop... I don't know, but it reminded me of our early days together. Good times. And spending all that time with my family, after so many months spent up my pole... Well, it just warmed my heart. First time I've had heartburn in yearsBut now, after blessing the Yanks with my presence, I have returned to you. You must have missed me terribly. There there. Daddy's home.
The best thing about the holiday for me is that every new country I visit has more things to teach me you so long as one is humble enough to admit they have the intelligence to learn it. And so, for those of you who may not be as well travelled as I am, having gone to 2 countries other than my own in my life time, I present my observations of America.- In America, Bumper stickers are really, really important.
- American's really, truly want you to have a nice day!
- Americans really are better looking that the English are. Having done a highly scientific survey on American and English Women, carefully studying them and rating their appearance on a variety of factors, including looks, measurements, and ‘Would I Do Her?’, I have determined that American women are at least 3 points more doable than English ones. My wife assures me the same was true for her; every single American she saw was, apparently, far more attractive than me.
- Techniques from the It’s a small world ride have been used to elicit confessions in Guantanamo bay.
- KFC should just not be served with Mashed Potato
- At $4 a Gallon your gas is one of the cheapest on the Planet. In the UK, petrol is at least £1,12 a litre. At 3.8 litres a Gallon that's £4.26 a Gallon. At the current conversion of 1.998 dollars to the Pound that's $8.51 a gallon. Quit whining so much!
- Mexicans and Brazilians only travel in large groups and wear the same, brightly, coloured T-shirts.
Due to the short proportions of Disney Characters, the characters in Disney Parks are normally played by women as they are the short enough to fit in the suits. This means that when Mickey and Minnie hold hands or hug it’s actually kinda hot.
- And finally, Country and Western music is truly, truly awful.
Marcus
It is said that one can recover from the horror of Country and Western at Humor Blogs.com
In this times of troubles and Doubts, Only the Guru has the Answer
16 Comments:
Very humble of you to go there disguised as a regular bloke rather than wearing your priestly robes and speaking to people like Master Po. You might have got yourself a few teenage groupies, but I guess you don't have space for them at home.
Glad you're home safely... hopefully you had a nice day whilst you were visiting!
So you were here in Orlando recently, eh? And you ate at KFC? Man, what were you thinking? Horrifying food.
GB Actually I prefer to wear a suit when I'm in 'Guru' Mode. It helps keep me in a work like frame of mind. Otherwise I just end up Surfing the web and chatting with sexy women on Match.com. I'm not sure about Groupies, but a lot of people said they liked my T-shirts!
Dave The Nicest, thank you for asking. You have a nice day now too.
Avitable The voice of experience I see? Couldn't you have used some foresight and told me that before I ordered it?
Hello Honourable Guru. I really liked your input on the American society :-)
I have recently returned from a trip myself, this time from my Lisbon hometown. It had been two years and things are...worse than when I left!
Anyway, what was the other country you visited besides your own, and the U.S. of A.?
Best regards.
Glad you're home safely... hopefully you had a nice day whilst you were visiting!
We could have given you a list, off the top of our heads of at least 50 other places to eat rather than KFC, all you had to do was ask!
And I mean no disrespect most honorable guru.
Have a nice day!
Oh come on now, you're going to sit on that pole and tell me that you didn't like the mashed potatoes at KFC? Good Lord, man! Everyone LOVES the mashed potatoes at KFC - especially while listening to their tear-in-my-beer crying-over-you music blasting from the speakers of their pick-up trucks!
I'm offended by the KFC comment. Who doesn't like some good friend chicken and mashed 'taters? I mean seriously.
I'm with you on the Country and Western music, though.
Marian - I went to Berlin a few years back. I'm beginning to believe that every other country in the world is a million times cleaner than my own.
Vineet - Original. Not just after some sezwho Credits are you?
Everyone else! - KFC should be served with chips, or as you call them 'french Fries'. ANd maybe some colslaw on the side. Anything else is just wrong.
End of
Glad you got the chance to visit, and wanted to address some of your observations, Guru.
1. Bumper stickers ARE important, because it's how we hold our cars together.
2. When we say, "Have a nice day," it's really a code. It doesn't mean that at all.
3. Your visit was brief, and I don't think you got a representative sampling. On the whole, our teeth are better...
4. Very perceptive of you.
5. KFC should not be served, period.
6. We have to have something to whine about.
7. I can't address that one. We don't see many Brazilians here.
8. "Hot?" Indeed, it must be hot inside those suits.
9. C&W is awful, but you have to give them credit. Any songwriter who can rhyme "mansion" and "attention," [as in, "If you want to buy a great big mansion, I'll give it my utmost attention"] deserves some credit. Ok, maybe not.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed your trip.
Well, glad you enjoyed your stay here in the states. Bumper stickers? Can't stand them and don't have them on either of our vehicles.
What's wrong with mashed potatoes? Just asking.
Have a great weekend. :)
Good to see you back home savely... and your photos is pretty funny (^^p)
~^_^~
Cheers!
,.-*'oo'*-.,_Chronicles of Trisna_,.-*'oo'*-.,
It looks like your holiday gave you much valuable insight. Perhaps it's best that KFC does not serve mash over here... Not that chips enhance the eating experience!
Eclectic - What is this code? I must know!
I mean, uh, I know of course, and the same to you.
Sandee - Nothings wrong with mashed potatoes except when they are served where fries should be.
Trisna - Funny? I thought I looked rather fetching.
Jams - Unless of course, one serves them with vinegar!
Oh dear... I am glad you enjoyed our country, but are we really that much friendlier in the US? I have heard quite a few people say this, but as I've never been to Olde and Merrie England, or anywhere else for that matter, I can't say. Thanks for sharing your great wisdom with us.
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