Following on from my previous posts on the topic of Chavs a reader writes,
Dude!!!
How's it hanging?
Right...I, like yo it seems, have a clear distate for the scum that litters our streets; not the chip wrappers or empty bog rolls, but the eloquently named "chavs"
I have an amazing plan to help clean up the sreets but am unsure of marketing technique.
Scenario - The Chav Olympics
Several chavs are asked to run the 100metre hurdles under the belief that the winner can have much beer, fags and un-protected sex. However at the finish line are a few of your average joe, hard working, chav hating guys. They have 9 irons, 2 by 4's, bats, hockeys sticks etc etc...
As the Chavs leap the final hurdle it is their job to crack em as hard as possible across the jaw, hopefully shattering it...the winner is determined by distance travelled. I.e, the guy that cracks the chav the furthest wins and gets to walk down his street wothout the fear of his house getting done over while he's geting the newspaper...
So...question...how can I market this and make it happen???
Much Love,
Stevee
As an enlightened soul, I am naturally against violence to all forms of life. Despite the fact that this definition may not apply to Chav's, I can not endorse you treating so many of my readers so aggressively. By their very nature Chavs know nothing making them a boon to me. And when you consider that most of their questions are along the line of 'Where's the nearest Off-License?' they're wonderfully easy for me to deal with.
However as the Olympics come to an end shortly, and the paralympics doesn't start for another 2 weeks, we do need something to fill the gap. As I can't be bothered to think of anything better, your idea will have to do.
There are 2 audiences for this event and both of them will need different marketing tactics.
Firstly, you need to attract the viewing public and the Chav Beaters. This can be done quite effectively through traditional advertising methods such as Television, poster campaigns and stupid youTube Videos. If you pepper the adverts with words longer than 4 letters they will be completely incomprehensible to Chav Kind and thus remain completely ignorant of your true intentions. Placing the ad's in a place where Chav's never go, such as school, will make doubly sure they remain unaware. As for Television advertising, you should be safe providing you avoid Channel 4.
An event like this will largely sell itself to the the viewing public without much effort. The combination of Chav's and baseball bats, rings like a circus to the average viewer, and nothing attracts a crowd like lots of dumb creatures and the possibility of seeing someone get hurt.
It should also be quite easy to get Sponsors for an event of this kind. In this case I would start with Channel 4...
Secondly you need to interest chavs in the games.
This can probably be achieved like this
Of course all Olympic ceremonies need a big opening event. Beijing gave an excellent example of this with their over-rehearsed, over-funded and over-whelming tribute to Communism. However for the Chav Olympics something simpler will probably suffice. A popular form of Chav entertainment is to drink cheap cider until someone throws up or gets arrested. If accompanied by Classical music and Fireworks I'm sure this would be highly entertaining.
Finally, you may want to consider involving some other Chav sports to make the games more excting. For example, while not include Drunken Chav Boxing, speed chain-smoking, and the old favourite, the flee from commitement.
I wish you the best of luck.
However as the Olympics come to an end shortly, and the paralympics doesn't start for another 2 weeks, we do need something to fill the gap. As I can't be bothered to think of anything better, your idea will have to do.
There are 2 audiences for this event and both of them will need different marketing tactics.
Firstly, you need to attract the viewing public and the Chav Beaters. This can be done quite effectively through traditional advertising methods such as Television, poster campaigns and stupid youTube Videos. If you pepper the adverts with words longer than 4 letters they will be completely incomprehensible to Chav Kind and thus remain completely ignorant of your true intentions. Placing the ad's in a place where Chav's never go, such as school, will make doubly sure they remain unaware. As for Television advertising, you should be safe providing you avoid Channel 4.
An event like this will largely sell itself to the the viewing public without much effort. The combination of Chav's and baseball bats, rings like a circus to the average viewer, and nothing attracts a crowd like lots of dumb creatures and the possibility of seeing someone get hurt.
It should also be quite easy to get Sponsors for an event of this kind. In this case I would start with Channel 4...
Secondly you need to interest chavs in the games.
This can probably be achieved like this
Of course all Olympic ceremonies need a big opening event. Beijing gave an excellent example of this with their over-rehearsed, over-funded and over-whelming tribute to Communism. However for the Chav Olympics something simpler will probably suffice. A popular form of Chav entertainment is to drink cheap cider until someone throws up or gets arrested. If accompanied by Classical music and Fireworks I'm sure this would be highly entertaining.
Finally, you may want to consider involving some other Chav sports to make the games more excting. For example, while not include Drunken Chav Boxing, speed chain-smoking, and the old favourite, the flee from commitement.
I wish you the best of luck.
Marcus
Another Chav Olympic Sponsor is bound to be Humor BlogsSeek and you shall find. Ask the Guru.
