Thank you for showing that ducks need the attention they deserve.
But please tell me why my car has become the bullseye for all bird droppings when it is not even close to a tree or building?
Grimm
My feelings on birds have been made clear, and I won't dwell on them here. Suffice to say, it was birds, and British weather, that forced me to install a clear Perspex roof over my pole. The birds found this hilarious and made it opaque within a day. I am convinced they do it deliberately. When you're stood 15 foot above the ground winged creatures perceive you as a threat and attack you anyway possible. I'm just glad horses haven’t learnt how to fly yet.
I could find no research on this topic (scientists largely being cyclists) but it is widely believed that birds have colour preferences. In nature they prefer to excrete in water, leaving no visible traces and keeping the location of their nests a secret. If your car is black, blue, or green, it may be that birds mistake it for a lake, pond or a public toilet.
They seem to especially enjoy splattering red cars. It is possible this is because they’re naturally attracted to red, the colour of berries, fruit and Virgin Broadband. Or it could simply be that birds hate a flashy car just as much as the next species.
If none of this rings true, perhaps you’re reincarnated from a python, Mongoose or Boeing 727. As you were an untimely cause of avian death in your past life, they are seeking their revenge in this one. Of course reincarnation is a fallacious fabrication with no basis in reality. But it is possible that no-one has told the birds this.
If you want to prevent birds from pooping on your car, there are several possible solutions.
You could:
- Hire some one to stand next to your car waving a bird scarer whenever you park.
- Cover your car in army camouflage equipment and leave it in the middle of a firing range,
- Or replace your hood ornament with a live Falcon
Alternatively you can paint your car the colour of bird crap -this will at least save you from having to wash it.
To be honest though, the effort is largely wasted. Birds are much like the goverment. No matter what you do, they're still crap all over you.
Hope this helps
11 Comments:
One should not ignore the possibility that birds think they're doing you a good turn by shitting on your car. It's probably not true, but one shouldn't dismiss it out of hand. Parrots are quite philanthropic in their own way.
I think they might be onto something with the birds preferring to do their business in water.
I can't even count the number of times my pet parrot has done so, and left me to quickly replace his water before he decides to wash in it.
I think i will tie a live falcon to my car bonnet this week - we will see if stops birds shitting on my car.
Mr Bananas - I never ignore anything about birds. They make doing so quite impossible.
Stealtherella - Dirty, Dirty, Dirty creature. What kind of person feels the need to own a parrot...
1990 - Of course, it might be a little bit difficult to stop the Falcom from using your car as a portaloo however. I predict that falcon nappies will be all the rage in the next couple of years.
Almighty Guru, please accept my humble gift as a token of my appreciation.
Not a gift per se, but a link nonetheless.
Thank you!
Well, my car is silver and they still manage to cover it on a fairly regular basis. I think the little buggers do it out of spite and just because they can!
Some cultures believe that a bird shitting on you is good fortune.
Compared to what, I have no idea.
I'm very fortunate not to have much of a guano problem. I have four good reasons for that - Robyn, Ted, Bebe and Mimi (okay 3 1/2: Mimi is disabled and can barely catch a cold).
Is ther a market for falcon head rests? your chosen raptor would be comfortable, it would protect your head from claw marks andbirds would be detered from aiming at gurus mid meditation?
Birds, man. Creep me the hell out. "The Birds?" *shiver*
Grimm - Peace and blessings upon you and your family. I hope everything goes well today.
Linda - Oh definitly. The birds are extremley evil.
Dave - Well I suppose it's bettre luck than an elephant doing it
>Punchman - Your question is in a queue, pligrim, and will be answered in the order recieved.
Jams - If there's not a market for it, I advise you to start one while the goings good.
Karl - And Birds shivering is even more scary
*giggles* Birds are like the government, HA!
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