All Gurus need an iPod. Without radio 4’s podcasts, and Britney Spears whimsical lyrics, I couldn’t cope with the more political, topical and rhythmical issues raised by my Pilgrims. It also helps when my mother-in-law visits.
Even the headphones are useful; they give me an excuse to ignore people.
A few days ago, for example, I was walking home through Lawrence Hill. Lawrence hill, as everyone knows, is a 'dodgy area', the home of Bristol’s tired, poor, and huddled masses yearning to breathe illegal substances. If Bristol had a Ghetto, it would be afraid of Lawrence Hill.
So I was somewhat alarmed (Guru’s are never afraid) when a resident started shouting at me. "Hey," he shouted, "Hey you!" In Bristolian this roughly translates as 'giv meh awl ya Doe' and, to quote the philosopher Socrates, 'screw that!' Fortunately however, because I was wearing my headphones (even though I wasn’t listening to music,) I was able to pretend I couldn't hear him. Without a second glance I walked past and headed home. The shouts got angrier, fainter, and faded away.
I was very satisfied (gurus are never proud.) It was a victory. I had managed to ignore some Bristol scum, the kind of person who so desperately needs my help and should hurry up and come to my pole to get it.
It wasn't until I got home and took off the headphones that I found they weren't connected to anything. Panicking (calmly, Guru’s are always calm) I searched my jeans, my bag, my underwear, even the secret hollow section of pole my wife doesn't know about. My iPod, my one distraction from the tediousness of the infinite, was gone.
The stranger wasn't after my riches, he was trying to give them back. I must have dropped the iPod and he was warning me. Through my ability to ignore people I had lost the thing that most helped me ignore them
That night, to atone for my pride, I tried to meditate for an hour longer than normal, but it was just too much of a strain without Britney to keep me company.
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14 Comments:
This is a moral tale to rival any of Aesop's fables. In a sense, you were hoisted by your own pole.
I loved your story and we've all been there...OUCH!
Unfortunately our presumptions about others are usually unfounded..
until you meet that one sketchy arsehole, who without saying a word, decides to drive an old, rusty, screwdriver between your ribs and into your aorta and then takes your loose change.
That's why we avoid the other 999 kind souls who would prolly give you the shirt off of their back.
Britney Spears helps you to meditate?! One can only say ommmm....
'Big Green' (now back from the dead) and I will have a drink in rememberance. Cheers!
Dude, that so totally sucks. Of course, it so totally sucks even more that you find it necessary to meditate to Britney Spears. I think you've been sitting on that pole too long!
Yeah, what Gorilla Bananas said...
Mr Bananas - As far as morals go however, 'don't be hoisted by your own pole' is a little lacking.
Donn - I find the idea of meeting a sketchy arsehole intriqing...
Autolycus, Linda - If one has not truly experienced the beauty of Britneys lyrics, one can not understand. Toxic reminds me of the bad things around me, stronger of the need to grow, and hit me baby one more time reminds me of domestic abuse. The lyrics are full of meaning
Canucklehead - Many thanks. My new iPod would like to meet Big Green some day.
Angelika - Yeah, well, what I said to Mr Bananas then...
What to say guru.. the thought of you being unable to maintain a good throughput of meditation justfor teh lack of Britney, is too awful to contemplate.
On the other hand her star is so far in the descendent perhaps it won't be log before she's glad to sing live at the foot of your pole for cheeseburgers
Bummer!! That story really hurts.
Oh, and about meditating to Britney. That makes sense because that would be how you know when you have reached Nirvana, because you have tuned out completely any sound and song from her and cannot hear her.
Jams - Cheeseburgers? Dear God. I'm not sure I could bare to part with them. Do you know how hard it is balance a macdonalds bag on top of a pole? Whenever I get cheese burgers there mine.
Scarlet - Correction, when I reach Nirvana there will be only Britney. Preferably in her school girl outfit...
lol...am a fan of britney too!
I guess that's what happens when society gets to the state where we won't communicate with our fellow people for fear of being mugged.
He must have thought you were listening to the voices in your head or something that was drowning him out.
Poor guy. Now he's stuck with an iPod full of Britney Spears. Maybe it will help him meditate.
Shan-ul-hi - Well yes, but I would be hard pushed to call anyone in Lawrenence Hill a 'fellow person'
Anne - Ah yes, and then maybe he will come to me for meditition tips and I will get my iPod back.
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