So you’ve done it! Against odds similar to that of being canonised, you’ve won the jackpot.
But how does one stay causal when one has enough money to use the pronoun ‘one’ in cold blood? Luckily, the guru is here to help.
- Keep your day job! Too many winners resign just to crawl back to their janitor’s mop once funds dry up. Keep working, but make it obvious you don’t need to. Do as little work as possible, and spend all day complaining you hate your job. For most of you, this will mean business as normal.
- Go on a Butlins family holiday with your nanny and entourage.
Think diamond in the rough. Buy brand-name tracksuits, heavy gold earrings, or a large amplifier for your Ford Mondeo. Surround yourself with items that brag “I’m rich, but I’m not going to brag about it.”- As your free time will be spent spending money, get your butler to keep you updated on the plot twists in your favourite soaps. This way you can still join in the gossip with 'the commons' around the water cooler.
- Spend one day a year visiting the poorer districts of Monte Carlo
- Live the same as before hitting the jackpot, but more expensively. Smoke a stronger strain of weed, drink imported German beer from chipped pint glasses, and when yelling at your illegitimate (but charming) children use expensive swear words, like ‘bugger' and 'damnation.'
- Always be aware of the price of milk.
- Don’t give anything to charity; the good vibes gained from buying new possessions last much longer, and will win you more respect from your friends.
Marcus
Read part 1 of this post - Guaranteed ways to win the lottery.
Do you have any tips for my Pilgrim? Comment and let me know!
Do you have a question needing an Answer? Ask the Guru and the answers will come!
Do you have any tips for my Pilgrim? Comment and let me know!
Do you have a question needing an Answer? Ask the Guru and the answers will come!
- Previous Questions to the Guru
- Part 1 - How to win the Lottery
- Will Stacey be allowed to come tomorrow?
- Why do ducks sleep on one leg?
12 Comments:
Butlins is still open for business? I must book a place before it's too late. If I take notes while I'm there, I could get a paper published in The hairy anthropologist.
lol...thanks for the suggestion..[will implement all this if i ever win a lottery in my life time]..:)
heheee! "I'm rich and I'm not going to brag about it". hahaha. Gawd I hate those people.
Sage advice Guru.I'm glad you suggest Butlins rather than abroad. It is good that the money is recycled into the economy. That of course means everyone is a winner... well sort of
Who are the Butlins?
Mr Bananas - Ah yes! I'm a regular reader of the comics in that periodical
Brocaserea - Let me know if you do. I'll help you find a way to get rid of some of those pesky winnings
Say It - You shouldn't. They're much better than people who are poor but brag about it.
Jams - Except of course for all the poor souls who have to go to Butlins.
Angelika - A haven of dreams. Probably the type of dreams had by insominiacs. It is a also a chain of holiday camps in the UK famous for it's cheap stage shows, family entertainment and cut price alcohol.
So in other words, I have to go out and buy myself some bling, yo??
P.S.,
Amanda has in fact heard of Johnny The Homicidal Maniac and simply adores Jhonen Vasquez!
Linda - Buying bling never caused anybody any harm, except for an old aquaintence of mine, Jamie. When Jamie went out to buy some bling the medalion he was trying was still connected to the display, and when he tried to steal it by walking out the store.. well... it's enough to say he has a phobia of chain metal.
Great advice. I hope if I ever win the lottery I'm not super mean to poor people, like I am now.
What about begging destitute relatives that you don't really like? Can they just be ignored? Or do you have to buy them off with a new single wide and a big truck with a gun rack? See, American White Trash Lottery Winners have these terrible dilemmas!
I believe that once I win the lottery, I will film infomercials about my success and sell audio and video tapes at $19.95 telling my secret formula so YOU too can win.
Mimi - What is it wit people tagging me. Do you think I'm playing a game of chase or something?
Canucklehead - If it works why bother changing?
Karen - Just so long as you don't buy them any Guns. I wont have your winnings going to such waste.
Grimm - So Cheap? you're never get rich again at that rate...
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