As 2012 approaches, rumours are emerging of it's disastrous consequences. Frankly, I'm getting bored of panicked pilgrims, so here, in no particular order, are the actual 9 major tragedies of 2012.
Oh, and don't forget to leave some change in the bowl on the way out...
- We will all have to live through another Presidential Election.
Asteroid 334-Eros will pass within 17 million miles of Earth, If it earth were the corner pocket this is the equivalent of bouncing off the cushion and hitting the cat. Nonetheless, astronomers will get very excited and run to their observatories, leaving their families to fend for themselves. - US troops will hand back control of the Korean Military. Congress will declare a war to keep the troops busy.
- The Freedom Tower will be completed in New York causing the terror threat to be raised just in-case some terrorist somewhere tries something with it at sometime.
There will be an annular Solar Eclipse - for 3 whole minutes hundreds of people will be unable to see where they left their keys. - The UK will turn off analogue broadcasting; millions of pensioners will miss Countdown. Mass rioting will ensue, albeit it very slowly.
- The Sun’s magnetic poles will flip; it's inhabitants will get briefly lost when their compasses start pointing backwards.
- The Mayan calendar will roll over from 12.19.19.17.19 to 13.0.0.0.0. The Mayans will have to buy a new calendar. They will also have one hell of a New Year celebration. There is no evidence to suggest the Mayans believed the world would end when their calendar did, although possibly they were worried that their computer clocks would reset to 0.0.0.0.1.
- The Earth's population will excel 7 billion people, making it impossible to find a free parking space
Oh, and don't forget to leave some change in the bowl on the way out...
9 Comments:
Okay, so if I park my car somewhere now and don't move it then I'll have a parking space in 2012. Great idea, right??
I don't drive so I don't care about the parking space. Bikes and buses FTW.
But what if there aren't any bike racks left???!!? OH NOEZ.
Linda - Actually that's not bad. If everyone did that it would also be a novel way to beat Global Warming.
Caren - I live in Bristol. Most of the Bike racks here are used by pimps to chain up their hookers...
So what does the Earths magnetic poles do?
Does that just hold my chinese menu to the fridge?
I could use tape??
Do the Mayans have to worry about the Y13G bug?
The events we know about are much less of a threat than the events we don't know about. The water vole rebellion is something we don't know about and it could be catastrophic.
I can't find my keys now so that's one parking space freed up. Everything I do, I do it for you.
Scarlet - The earths magnetic poles make compasses work on earth. They have very litte effect on the compasses of the Sun's residents.
Also technically, it would be a B13 bug
Mr Bananas - I see that you are somehow aware of it however? I shall suggest our intelligence agencies against Water Voles keep a closer eye on you.
Dale - When Guru revolution comes I will rememeber this.
I have heard that the Mayans are more concerned with everything blinking 13.0.0.0.0 because everyone has forgotten how to program the date.
Oh great guru. I am convinced of your wisdom after reading only a single post. I am trying to make a billion dollars with my new website http://www.the-mayan-calendar.com/ while at the same time spreading a green message about the mayan calendar like you in your infinite wisdom have done so elegantly. I have already brought attention to your knowing ways at: http://www.the-mayan-calendar.com/mayan-myths.htm
How can I improve this? Being a Guru I know your time is valuable. I am only a student. Please bless me with a touch. And I tried calling you from Guatemala but your line was busy... What gives?
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