All your Questions answered

Are you searching for sunshine in your drizzle of a life?
Do you have questions that remain unanswered? Mysteries that need to be solved?
Are you seeking for meaning in your life?
Do you need wisdom to make it through another day?
Do you wish I'd stop asking so many questions?

If there's a problem without an solution, a question without an answer, or a joke without a punchline,The Freelance Guru is here to help.

Your questions are the lifeblood of this blog. No question is too small, no riddle to difficult, and no donation too much!

Asking me a question couldn't be simpler

• Click Comment at the bottom of this post and type your question there.
• Alternatively. If you'd like your question to be private (say for example you're asking a question about "making Stacey Come") then you can click here and use the Online Form below to send your question straight to my inbox.

This site couldn't exist if it wasn't for your questions. Take a moment to search inside your soul for those questions that are impossible to answer. And then ask the Guru, and watch the impossible come true.

Marcus

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Homephobic Abuse - Please help.

A good friend of mine suffered from homophobic abuse today. He is extremely upset by it, especially as he feels he dealt with the whole situation quite badly, and has written a blog post detaling it and asking for advice.

Naturally, I have given him my wisdom, "Stop being so Gay", but he seems to think this is somewhat unpractical and wants advice from "someone more ordinary.

Please click across to his post, Homophobia in my own Home, and see if you can help.

If you can make him a bit less gay I'd apreciate it.

Thank you.

Marcus

Free Razors from Trimflixx. Be Enlightened and Smooth

A while ago, a man I had never met before offered to give me a razor blade. Never let anyone say that my life isn't interesting.

Trimflixx liked my blog so much (who wouldn't like such a work of enlightened art as this page) that they were sent me a free razor just so I would review it. Seen as most of my readers are Women or Gorililas this seems like an odd marketing tactic to me but then who am I, I mean all-knowing guru, to argue with the proud world of Razor blade Marketing.

However, due to the heavily poltical system that is USA-UK mail my Razor has not yet arrived. Or, if it has, it has been stolen by my wife and is currently being used to shave her legs. ( If that is the case, I for one am not going to complain.) But I do need to tell all my hairy, hairy readers, (I'm looking at you Avitable) about the great offer from Trimflixx before it gets to late.

In order to help make the world a smoother place Trimflixx are giving away Free Razors by the bucket load. And all you need to do to get one is make a quick, easy, and very fun video over at TrimFlixx.

Here's one I made earlier:

If you want your own free razor, and even more excitingly your own free video with some hunky men or sexy ladies, click on over to Trimflixx and get clean shaved now, before my wife blunts all the blades.

Marcus

You can also find humour at Humor Blogs

Ask me some questions. We all need more Answers

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The Guru hits 50

I've been watching it track up over the last few days and, finally, today, my feedburner counter hit 50. 50 people a day are reading this blog!

For a relatively obscure blog like this one with only 34 posts over 7 months (what can I say, I'm a busy Guru!) that's an excellent result and a third of the way towards my target of 150 readers by the end of 2008!

I'd like to say that this success was all down to you: so I will. No matter what I write, if my beloved Pilgrims didn't subscribe to this blog and tell others about it then I might as well be sitting up this pole talking to my stuffed snake all day. My stuffed snake would probably like that but that's not the point...

But our work is not yet done. Billions remain who are not yet aware of the truth, lost souls in need of someone to show them the way. It is imperative that all who seek shall find, and it falls on you, Pilgrim, to lead them to the light.

I mean after all, I'm perched on a 15 foot pole, it's not like I can reach out and grab people. Unless... I had a very long grabbing pole! Very long Grabbing Pole! I'll get to work straight away.

But in the meantime, here's all I ask of you. If you read something you like here add a link to it from your blog; there's a good chance your blog readers will like it too. Or if you're too shy to tell your readers then Stumble, Digg it, or submit it to the social network of your choice. There are links at the bottom of every post which make doing any of these things almost as easy as enjoying my well taught, brilliantly entertaining lessons.

I think it was Kermit the Frog who said "Be the change you want to be in the world." If you want the world to be a wiser, happier, more enlightened place tell your friends, lovers, co-workers and shopkeepers about The Freelance Guru. Especially talk to stupid people.

Thank you for all your support. Together we can make your world that little bit wiser.

Marcus

I'm running short of Questions! Seek your wisdom here...