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I watch far too much English television. This had lead to the situation where I find guys with accents from northern England (like Leeds) irresistible.
Please help with a suggested cure, or perhaps by catching and sending me a specimen so I can get a fix regularly..
First things first, did I mention that I speak with a perfect Northern accent?
I was listening to Radio 4 the other day, as I often do when I need some strong opinions to agree with, and Laurie Taylor was discussing Chav (see a full definition here) obsession. What had begun as a derogatory term for the poor had evolved into a fashion statement. Laurie seemed surprised at this; clearly he doesn't live in my kind of neighbourhood. All I need do to see an example of Chav Fashion is to look across the street and see my wife coming home from the neighbours. (She seems to go there more and more these days.)
Chav culture is everywhere, in our bars, our clubs, our gay scene, even our TV screens. I never watch soap operas, there's enough drama in my life without importing it from Australia, but my wife informs me that all of them, from Eastenders to Emmadell, are now Chav dominated.
Regarding your particular problem. NLP has a technique that may help cure your cravings. Simply imagine your ideal Chav in your mind, and then push the image further and further away until you can hardly see it. This is also a useful way to handle Chav's in real life.
If this technique fails however, a Chav trap can be made quite easily by leaving an unlocked Ford Fiesta in the nearest council estate.
When the new occupant pulls up at the Petrol Station for Alcohol, Fags and Porn you can make a Citizens' arrest and threaten to turn them in unless he agrees to date you.
And if you want to get rid of him for any reason simply tell him you're pregnant. That way you're never seem him again, unless of course you're regular viewer of Crimewatch.
Hope this helps.
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9 Comments:
Chavs? Okay o' wise one up a pole - enlighten me and tell me why they are called Chavs. As a mere colonial, I have no clue what you are talking about!
Why is your wife pretending to be a chav? I assume she is only pretending, otherwise you would have run away from home. Also, how do you know you have 30 readers?
What Linda said!
I have a challenge for you...
The BlogBlast For Peace Meme ~ Join The Revolution.
Have a great day. :)
Linda - The answers will come.
Mr Bananas - It's a fashion craze for her, I think. Personally I tend to wear Jeans, T-shirt and a loin cloth. The 30 readers comes from my average subscribers on my Feed.
Sandee - I'm not sure if the Challenge fits this blog. But I will see what I can do.
Say it - Shaving is something that takes place between a man and his mirror. And Alcohol, Fags and porn sounds like an amazing dirty and fun night for some of my friends too.
We do not what the word fag means you know... it means Cigerette. And there's nothing dirtier than a cigerete
Since everyone probably understands most American English because of all the annoying TV shows and B-movies that make it across the pond, some of you may forget that we can't understand a damn word a lot of you say! I love it especially how movies from Scotland come with English subtitles, although I knew a woman from Scotland who said there were people up there she couldn't understand either.
Cp - The Scottish in fact speak a variety of languages, having taking their dialect from various vocabularies on the seven seas. None of them, however, can be called English.
I read with trepidation that then local coucil are planning to put a fence round Romford and turn it into a nature reserve for this noble beast. It is hoped that there will be plenty of money from Hampstead-ites seeking to go on Chavaris. I am not sure wither there will be big hoodie hunts though
here's your 31st reader :)
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