How can I get more self confident
Juliane
Dear Pilgrim.
I feel your pain. We've all faced hard times; when our get up and go gets up and goes; when we feel worthless and pointless and it seems no-one loves us, when we feel completely alone, stuck on my pole, isolated & misunderstood, no-one caring if I live or die; as if I might as well kill myself in the morning and....
Sorry. Excuse me a second. [....]
As I was saying, we've all had our self esteem fail us. My self confidence suffered terribly when I was a salesmen. You might find it hard to believe, given that I'm naturally suave and sophisticated, but selling is not my forte, and my failure to hit targets drove me into depression, to the point where it was a relief to come home to wife at the end of every day! My sales did improve briefly near the end of my employment but only because I cried so much people brought my policies out of pity.
Finally, I saw the light and spent several minutes researching how to improve my self-confidence, sourcing the whole of the World Wide Web to find the best techniques, and thus became the amazing person I am now. And here, for the first time, I will share these tips with you.
10 ways to increase your Self Confidence
- Use the NLP Swish to change your negative self-images with confident ones. This amazing technique can also bring about inner calm, personal successes and World peace.
- Surround yourself with ugly people.
- Make the voices in your head sound like someone you hate. That way you'll feel really good telling them to 'Shut the f*** up!'
- Love yourself. But I'd suggest refraining from doing so in public.
- Join a low self-esteem club. Surrounding yourself with people who continuously put themselves down will make you feel great in comparison.
- Take small, slightly illegal, risks everyday. Nothing boosts your self-confidence like a spell in prison.
- Exercise. This won't help your self confidence, I just think you could just stand to lose a few pounds.
- Find a highly confident, successful, superior and generally amazing mentor to guide you to confidence. My prices start at $100 an hour.
- Prevent negative thoughts by sticking your fingers in your ears and singing loudly. This will also keep people away from you as you'll look a bit Buddha.
- And finally, get your mirrors Gaussian Blurred.
P.S. Research shows that daily laughter increases your self confidence. If so Humor Blogs is the cheapest therapy around.
Ask me your Questions. I'll tell you no lies
14 Comments:
That's a lot to remember, although the swearing thing should come naturally with a bit of practice. Telling yourself to shut the fuck up is one of those habits that stay with you for a lifetime.
I did sales for several years...it's probably the worst thing anyone could do to themselves...it's a sick kind of self-torture.
Mr Bananas - Swearing at oneself is so very enjoyable isn't it.
Greg - Wow. Comment Spam! This blog must be getting popular.
Chelle - I do think it would have been far more effective if they use that kind of torture in Guntanamo.
Did I read that right? You're "swathe and sophisticated"? Does that mean you wrap yourself up in swaddling clothes before you go out in public or did you really mean that you are "suave and sophisticated" and are smoother than a baby's behind? If one wishes to go for a self-esteem both, I'd choose option #2 if I were you unless of course you like running around looking like Ghandi in a diaper, that is!
Linda - Duly noticed and fixed. I may be an all knowing Guru, but when it comes to spelling it appears I am still a man.....
You are seriously nuts man! Great blog. My character Hortense is a Life coach who has discovered NLP and that is featuring in her next installment.
Re your post on Chav's I believe that the new term is now Muntah! You might want to check it out in the urban dictionary!
Hmm, I always drink a lot of Guinness when I'm feeling down. Or I never partake in illegal substances because that would be against the law.
Mob - Muntah is infact only correct when referning to a toothless poor person.
Karl - Guinness is Contraband where you live? I thought prohibition failed...
Finally someone with some sound advice for the voices in my head. Thank you Freelance Guru!
Number 2 is sheer brilliance dear sir!!!
:-D
Sue - Just make sure you invite me when they have a party.
Jin - Thank you. I'm sure lots of beautiful people hang around you.
Dear enlightened Freelance Guru,
They want a party this weekend, but I told them I'm too busy. I have them penciled in for June 21st as long as they bring the taco dip, you bring the chips. We can rig up a pulley system for your pole.
Sue - Unfortunatly, I have to go on a wedding that day.
self confidence is important for successful person
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